Thursday, August 14, 2014

Am I from planet Mars?

Just finished a challenging course outdoors, my first with an all-American adult audience. Challenging not quite because of the material covered, but because I had to fight lots of my own demons. I realized that after some twenty plus years living in the US - I still felt inadequate in communicating in English. I felt again like a newly arrived immigrant from planet Mars. Why? Are we forever plagued with self-doubt if there's no land to call one's own?

It's the little cultural differences that struck me and wouldn't let me move beyond them. Participants not wanting to be close together, seeking solitary time instead. People not wanting my communal blanket, my tables and paint tubes brought to share, my Dale Carnegie inspired chitter-chatter about their everyday lives.

When indoors with a Russian-speaking group it's all about wanting to have good company, sharing some therapeutic insights into our lives and the world outside, taking my lead into exploring how our creative outcomes tell us something about things needing attention in real life.

Or is this just two sides of my own personality wanting to fight it out, clashing in their goals? Part of me wants a great tight group of friends to share in the experience of finding myself. Yet, another part wants some alone time, to reflect and come to my own conclusions, without someone's five cents in the process. Was this experience merely a mirror into how we all struggle to find our true self?

2 comments:

  1. You know, I thought about it after our last conversation. I think it is mostly not about cultural differences "Russian vs. American", but rather a difference between the kinds of groups you got. Cultural differences are involved, but indirectly. Indeed, there is a cultural difference in that the "art class" is inherently a serious and absorbing endeavor, resulting in people not wanting to socialize. What you get in your "Russian" classes, I believe, are the groups that might alternatively go to a paint bar. When a group of girlfriends go to a paint bar, they produce a vibe almost identical to the one you describe in your "Russian" classes.

    In a sense, what's more interesting is why in those situations we immediately jump to a conclusion that our discomfort comes from the Russian/American cultural differences.

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    1. I know what you mean but I believe the studio classes are as intense in terms of material covered, and the end result is as important to the participants. Of course, they can speak for themselves on the issue. My feeling is that I somehow get deeper into their psyche because there's no language barrier.

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